I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
