There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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