my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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