oh god the rape fog is back!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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