Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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