OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
