Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The Olympian is in my bed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
