Betty ford says i'm here all night
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
