Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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