I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
