im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
