so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
