I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
