Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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