i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish there were birth control emojis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
