On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
