is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
