The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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