We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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