the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
