on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
