so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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