I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize