Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
