no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
