just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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