Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
