I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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