Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
