at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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