watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
