The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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