I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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