this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
