remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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