She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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