lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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