Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
