They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
