Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
