i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
