You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
