I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
