somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Boobs speak an international language.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
