How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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