Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
