In the future we'll all be gay
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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