I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
