Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
