woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
