i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
