life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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