bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
