can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
