'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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