Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
