Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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