I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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