I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
