I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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