never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
