on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
