i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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