We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
