i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
