True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
