Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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