Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
