Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL