i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I believe in your delicious
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.