if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
