Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

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(303): View more from Colorado

other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do

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(303): other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do http://tfl.nu/c5r9

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(786): View more from Florida

I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

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(786): I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction. http://tfl.nu/2rxz

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(402): View more from Nebraska

consequently i now know what mace tastes like

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(402): consequently i now know what mace tastes like http://tfl.nu/a9b7

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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(630): I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea. http://tfl.nu/9kka

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(253): View more from Washington

The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.

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(253): The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore. http://tfl.nu/j34l

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(818): View more from California

That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.

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(818): That's the last time I do shots near a campfire. http://tfl.nu/w9sa

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.

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(910): Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook. http://tfl.nu/qwbp

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I love you more with every blowjob.

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You should write for Hallmark.

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(202): I love you more with every blowjob. (1-202): You should write for Hallmark. http://tfl.nu/2s1x

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.

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(402): Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day. http://tfl.nu/rkpb

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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(580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.

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(864): I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan. http://tfl.nu/kwpf

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(618): View more from Illinois

I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close

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(618): I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close http://tfl.nu/i5mu

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome

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(814): Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome http://tfl.nu/l5b3

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(419): View more from Ohio

I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Dreams are coming true for both of us.

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(419): I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest. (1-419): Dreams are coming true for both of us. http://tfl.nu/6zn2

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