we have pet lesbian snakes
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.