I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
