pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
