The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
