I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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