Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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