It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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