Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
