we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
