im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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