Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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