Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
