Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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