It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
