she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
